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derranged thoughts and psychopatheic tendencies

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Sunday, November 5th, 2006
4:47 am - woot
I had so much fun tonight. I love my friends like no other.

And I can't promise that I won't try and kiss you the next time that I see you. I'm sorry if I try, but that's how it is.

current mood: giggly
batter up
Saturday, October 7th, 2006
11:31 am - on dreams
I had a really disturbing dream last night. I was looking through my matches at eHarmony (I joined as a part of a social psych experiment) and I saw that a certain someone had added me as a match and had written a message to me and was reminding me about....stuff that had happened. Not the bad stuff but all the good stuff, all the stupid, silly romantic things. Well of course I cried cause this crap has been on my mind for a little bit, and I always remember it at the shittiest times. So when I woke up this morning, I remembered what I had seen and I just prayed that it wasn't true. That I hadn't actually seen it on there. I turned on my computer and let it fester for awhile and when I finally checked....it wasn't on there. *sigh of relief* I can handle a lot, I really can. But not talking to me for a long time, ignoring messages or whatnot (maybe not ignoring but certainly not returning) and then having gotten that...it would have just been too much, so I'm really glad that it wasn't there. It's a blessing and curse that I hold onto things for so long. I don't like to give up on people, but when it only hurts me to keep hanging on is when it gets kinda sad. Not gonna think about it today, cause today is a HAPPY day....well it is right now...haha....Texas game today against the sooners. Hope my Horns can pull it out, that would be awesome. :)

current mood: blank
batter up
Thursday, September 28th, 2006
2:57 am
Miss you.
2 homeruns| batter up
Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
12:49 am - today
Today could have been horrible, but it was only stressful and slightly melodramatic. But I appreciate all the people that I have in my life, especially one imparticular that will drop everything that they are doing to come and calm me down, and I am blessed that they have stuck by someone as crazy as I am. Which I guess then I should be asking, dude, what the hell's wrong with you? Just kidding :) But a generally thank you to everyone in my life that has stuck by me and is there with me when I need them. It's people like you that really make life awesome instead of just good. :) ♥

current mood: thankful
batter up
Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
11:51 am - lskdnvklasjdnvklas
Upon signing up for this writing class, I had some apprehensions about actually sharing what I write with other people. But I convinced myself that I had thick skin and I could take any criticism. No problem, it'll be a learning experience.

And it was...

Someone who won't even share their short stories with her class has judged me and told me that my story deserved a C+.

Okay, granted, I wasn't extremely proud of this one anyway, but there were aspects that I liked. But for the most part, I did not like what I had turned in, and apparently she didn't either. Most everyone else thought it was all right, but that maybe I should have kept the focus on just one part.

I'm not sure what to think. But since I wasn't really proud of this piece, then how can I say that I'm angry that everyone pointed out the flaws? I can't because I know that it was crap. At least the part that I finished quickly. I wrote to please other people and I didn't even end up doing part of that. I have only read two or three of the critiques, including one from the prof who said I needed to get a grammar style manual. And while they aren't ripping it shreds, it still is kinda hard for me to read them.

I didn't think that this was going to affect me as much as it has. I think I would be even more pissed if I had been really excited about this piece, but since I was lukewarm about it to begin with then I'm not that worried. I did get some great comments about my writing style and all that, so I'm trying to keep my focus there and not all on the bad.

I'm actually very nervous to turn in my next piece. I wrote it on Sunday. I was in a weird mood and so I just wrote about what I was feeling as if I was writing a letter to Cacey and about all the things that I remember that have happened between us in the last five months. It came out very real and when I interlaced it with lyrics from one of my favorite songs I think that it came out to be very powerful, but I'm going to have at least three people proof read it and I'll try and see what I did grammatically incorrect so that I won't get butchered with that when I turn it in next time.

current mood: frustrated
3 homeruns| batter up
Saturday, September 16th, 2006
11:28 am - travesty
Dog the Bounty Hunter was arrested the other day. WTF?!?! And now he's having an extradition hearing to Mexico for a misdeamnor. So lemme get this straight...our criminals can run to Mexico and they get to stay there and all that, but when one of our GOOD guys goes there to grab a convicted RAPIST, he gets put into jail. I don't know the laws of Mexico and all that, but this seems like just some stupid internation pissing contest. Mexico wanting everyone to believe that they can throw their clot around and arrest a great American. People who know me, know that I love his show because yes he does track people down and put them in jail, but he also tries to reform and show them the error of their ways. I really admire the work that he does and I wish that this didn't happen. I have total faith that this will work out in the end and that this pissing contest will become resolved without any jail time. Because not only did Dog get arressted, but so did his son Leland and his colleague Tim. I think that it's total crap and just thought that I should share. Let Dog out so that he can go and catch the real criminals.

current mood: angry
1 homerun| batter up
Friday, September 15th, 2006
11:51 pm - blaaaah
Been working like mad lately, and it's only gonna get worse. We are short staffed so I've been asked to work two more days a week. Which means that my 20-23 hours I was supposed to be working is going to be like 34 hours. I'm not gonna say no to more hours, simply because I get more money, but it's taking a toll, on my feet especially. We'll see what happens. I can tough it out until something gets done.

I did something on Tuesday that I'm extremely disappointed in myself for. I turned in creative work that I had written simply to please the people reading it. I'm not a very open person about my writing. I don't let a lot of people actually read what I write and when I do, I get nervous and anxious about their judgment of it. I know that everyone has their critics, but I'm my own harshest. So I took this creative writing class thinking that it'll teach me a few things (and it has) but the first time that we read some people's stories and critiqued them--freaked me the fuck out. So having already written about half of my first story, I re-did the majority of it. And when I turned it in, I hated it. It had become something that I couldn't stand to think about. I had taken a good idea and it had turned into something that I felt that I was being forced to write instead of something that I wanted to write. *ragged sigh* My writing means so much to me, and if I go into class next week and they pick it apart like I think they will, then I don't know what I am going to do. I just don't want this class to end up killing my creative spirit.

Had my first test in Spanish, don't think that I did too bad. Probably mid-high B. My prof also thinks that it is her duty to tell us about how we need to be excited about college and excited to study and all that stuff. She's right about her message, but maybe if she didn't come off as so hostile I would feel more inclined to listen.

Booked a plane ticket to Virginia yesterday. Courtney, Mel and I are officially going on Oct. 20th. I'm...a lot of things going on in my head about going. Mostly happy, but anxious and a few other things thrown in there as well. Courtney has a date with Keith's roommate, so that should be interesting. He sounds like a nice enough guy, so we'll see what happens.

I'm starting to freak out just a bit about next year. I have all these apprehensions about getting into grad school and if that's really what I want to do. I know that for the longest time that I have wanted to be a teacher, and that hasn't changed, but I'm not sure where or when or whatever. There's this program that I am very interested in where they pay native English speakers to go to places like Prague and Japan to teach others how to speak English. I would LOOOOOVE to do something like that. There's also two places in Ireland and Scotland that I was thinking about applying for to go to grad school. Mostly because I could possibly get my MA and my PhD in three years, but also because it would be something totally new and exciting. I'm not sure yet...there are so many things up in the air and I need to start making some decisions so I can stop having stupid freakin' panic attacks.

Nothing much else really going on. I miss my Austin people, and I miss my family in Angelo. Working every freakin Sunday is really starting to get tiresome. C'est la vie. I couldn't be the roaming nomad forever, but it sure was an awesome ride. I still roam...just not as often...and not as spontaneous. I think that this new job is slowly sucking away my soul piece by piece. That's probably not a good thing. Anyway, adios.
batter up
Saturday, September 9th, 2006
3:16 am - meh
Nothing much really going on lately. School has been normal, work is getting to be a lot better, so that's good.

Had fun with Sam, Rhi, and Tabby tonight...sorry that Rhi got sick. It was interesting playing "Never Have I Ever" with them and being the one that was considered the "bad" one. Refreshing change of pace, haha.

Not drunk, but I feel like I should be. I drank a lot, but it was mostly bitch beer that actually made me feel more bloated then drunk, dadgumit. Oh well.

Tomorrow night is Texas vs. Ohio State....#2 and #1 face off in the 2nd game of the season, I can't wait! I'm already anticipating cracking open a cold beer and hunkering down and watching. It should be a really awesome game.

And for those that don't know or that don't talk to me on a regular basis enough to know this...I have moved on from stupid boy over yonder. I have my own reasons, but for the most part all that I can say is that I was idiotic to think that it could work out or anything like that. Falling for someone is the easy part, it's the falling out that's the bitch of it.

Anything else?? Not really...got my next tattoos planned :) I have an awesome idea and I can't wait to see what a really good artist can do with it.

And now time for bed me thinks....gotta go grad school stuff tomorrow. buenos noches mis amigos.

current mood: content
batter up
Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
12:39 am - stole from heidi, thought it was really cool
I thought this was really coold. Check this out....

1 homerun| batter up
Monday, August 21st, 2006
1:16 am - thought this was interesting...

I heard this quote a long time ago, and talking to Bunny tonight kinda made me think about it...

From the movie Kate & Leopold:
"Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney."

I'm not saying necessarily that I don't believe in love anymore, but sometimes it really just feels like your love Santa has gotten stuck coming down the chimney.

I am happy being single right now, but I know given the chance with the right guy that I would definetly be up for not being in the single column anymore. Oh well. I got plenty of time, I'm not worried. :)

I know that I made a decision about "my choice" and all that, but it's still hard to just disregard feelings. At least for me, Bunny knows what I'm talking about.

Bedtime...dreams be nice to me tonight, no more anxiety attacks/scary dreams please.

current mood: curious
1 homerun| batter up
Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
12:50 am - new stuff
Been my nomadic self lately. Florida last weekend and Wichita Falls this past weekend. Fun times at both. I continued my summer tradition (3rd year in a row) and a got a sunburn on the beach in Florida. It now is a good tan, so I'm not complaining.

School starts in two days. I'm not sad to see it come. More like happy. I need this distraction. I've been a bum a lot this summer and I can't stand it anymore. This'll give me something else to focus on.

My new job....not really what I was expecting. The pay is nice, don't get me wrong. But I'm not sure anymore. I need this job, so there's no way that I'm quiting, and I'm not going to give up on it yet. We'll see what happens.

I'll be done with school in May. And I'm feeling a bit uncertain about my future. My Mom and my Aunts were being really discouraging about all the places that I was talking about applying too, and that made me feel a bit uneasy. I'm still going to apply there, cause I'm determined to at least try and get into another school out-of-state.

Until then, I'm busy having fun with my girls and boys and just enjoying life as it comes at me. Sad thing is...I won't be able to play softball this fall, as I have a class on Tuesday nights :( That hugely sucks. First time in two years I won't be playing every week.

I guess that was about it...I'm hoping that this semester goes well, that there is little to no drama, and that I can have as much fun as possible. :)

current mood: contemplative
batter up
Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
11:22 am - mini-update
Got stood up last night and that REALLY pissed me off. Spent the night with Tabitha and Sam instead. Anger already gone, just more annoyed then anything else now.

Ran into a softball friend at Wal-Mart. And then I saw ERIN there as well! Awesome to have seen you sweetie, hopefully we can get together soon.

Saw Heidi and Rachel last night, double cool.

Finally found Die Hard With a Vengeance at Wally world, makes my lil Texan heart happy.

Insomnia afoot last night. Couldn't sleep til damn near 5:30am. *sigh* And then I had a dream about a guy with a marmot tattooed on his right inner thigh...yeah I got no clue.

Excited, nervous, anxious, and lots of other stuff about starting my new jorb today. I'm just really, really hoping that I don't hate it. *crosses fingers* I hope it doesn't suck, I hope it doesn't suck, I hope it doesn't suck.

Off to get ready for work! Yay! I can actually say that again, hahaha. hasta pasta y'all :)

current mood: nervous
1 homerun| batter up
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
1:24 am - Good News!
Big News faithful LJ readers!

I got the job in Downtown Dallas!! *happy Irish jig* Yes the commute's kind of a bitch, but the pay, hours, and the fact that I get to use the HUGE facility for free are totally worth it.

No news on grad schools yet...still waiting to see about a few things; like do I need to take the GRE, are my classes going to be sufficient enough, etc, etc. Some of the places that I am looking at are pretty elite places. I'm sure that I can get into them, but paying for them and actually liking them when I go there are two things that are going to factor a lot into my decision. (And of course whether I get in or not, haha.) Just an excuse to go to more places during my last year of college and check 'em out, haha. Just kidding, Hawaii pretty much wiped me out (financially, physically and emotionally) so I'm glad this job is coming along when it is.

Let's see...Anything else happening in the World O' Brinananana? Not really...Carlos, Jen and myself might start a business together. House-sitting was pretty cool, and Mel and I got asked back to do it again, so that's cool.

Oh, I am coming home this weekend...spend time with the family for the most part, but to see some old faces as well I hope. :) Anywho, off to bed with me. Getting up and running in the morning isn't that hard really, just the getting up part that really sucks. Peace and love kiddos.

current mood: calm
batter up
Monday, July 10th, 2006
11:36 am - bored
Not having a job=suckage.

Not knowing what to do for grad school=ugggghhh

being confused=fuuuuucking tiiiiiiiired of it

On the job hunt today. Going to Whole Foods and going to hopefully call a friend and ask her about a job. I'm just tired of sitting around here and doing basically nothing.

Plus I kinda need money. I've got a lot of crap to start saving for in the next year or so and yeah....

For those that have facebook you can look at my pictures from Hawaii there, if not then sorry. If I ever get the ambition to put them here, then I'll do that. But maybe not. Anyway, hasta luego y'all.

current mood: meh
batter up
Saturday, July 1st, 2006
5:38 pm - yanked from space invader
10[category]Collapse )

current mood: content
batter up
Friday, June 16th, 2006
7:02 am - mini-update
Hawaii=awesome-don't know that I could spend a LOT of time there, it's just not big enough for me...and I know that sounds weird, but I need my space like any good Texan ;) haha

lots of stuff happened--good, awesome, bad, ugly, and fantastic--lots of memories made and moments spent that I'll never forget...

took over 400 pictures...i'm thinking about doing "day-by-day" posts, but i haven't made up my mind yet...depends on how much free time i have...

speaking of that...it's my final shift here at the gym. i don't want to leave this place, but sometimes life steers you to the places that you least expect yourself to go...so away i go!

no job yet....just going to enjoy my Dad's wedding this weekend, going home next weekend, possibly seeing Meg, and then coming back and resuming the job hunt. I'll hopefully be able to find something....

and that's about it...well all that i want to say for now at least ;) till next time faithful readers! hasta luego ♥

current mood: hopeful
1 homerun| batter up
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
8:58 am - Woo!
Howdy Y'all!! Off to Hawaii I go tomorrow!

Hasta luego, call me if you wanna convey your jealousy ;) I kid I kid. But seriously, someone call me and give me Mav's updates. I'll pay you with Irish jigs and belly fives. :)

PS: If I get eaten by a shark....
-Mel gets my DVD's
-Meg can have my new camera---yeah a new one, thanks for the help Daddio
-Space Invader can have my car
-and everyone else I'll haunt so ya'll will never forget lil ole me :)

current mood: IRISH JIG TIME!
4 homeruns| batter up
Monday, June 5th, 2006
7:16 am - sad story

My digital camera is gone....either lost in limbo, thrown out of a window by a drunken fool, misplaced, or stolen....


I had about 80 pictures from my cousins wedding on that camera, not to mention that it held my new 1G memory card that I had just freakin' bought.

I soooooooooooooo sooooooooooooooooooooooo hope that it turns up and I can get it back....I miss my camera...it and I have had a lenghty run together and I need it for Hawaii.


Sad day

BUT....I'm going to Hawaii in 4 days! OMFG!!!!! EXCITED, but still crappy about my camera :(...lookin on the bright side though...it's almost time to go to Hawaii!!
yoinked from SICollapse )

current mood: sad yet happy
2 homeruns| batter up
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
7:47 am - new song
I got this new Toby Keith song that I really like and I haven't been able to hear it on the radio in the past week, but I found the lyrics and thought that it was appropriate to my current...stance I guess is the word that best fits.

It’s a little too late
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of this hangin’ on.
So I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It got a little too sad
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late

No I don’t want to want to talk about what we can do about us anymore.
Only time you and me wastin’ is the time it takes to walk right out that door.
Yeah talk about water under the bridge,
You should know by now girl that’s all this is.

It’s a little too late,
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of just hangin’ on.
I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It got a little too sad,
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late

There was a time,
this heart of mine,
would take you back every time.
Don’t you know
It’s been two packs of cigaretts
a sleepless night
a nervous wreck, a day ago.
Now you ain’t got no business coming around
I’m closing up shop
Shuttin’ us down.

It’s a little too late,
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of just hangin’ on
I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to.
It got a little too sad,
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late
I’m big time over you baby,
It’s a little too late

~Toby Keith "A Little Too Late"

current mood: hopeful
batter up
Saturday, May 13th, 2006
3:03 am - random
I saw a freakin KANGAROO in the middle of I-20 tonight when I was driving home. I was driving on the West bound side and it was just sitting there as calm as you please in the middle of the two lanes. I saw some cars swerving and saw this huge lump and moved over to avoid it....and it was a bloody KANGAROO!! Deer I could understand...a dog even that mighta jumped outta the back of a pick-up truck....but a KANGAROO???? In the Middle of the Interstate?!???! IN WEST TEXAS?!??!?!?! Yeah, boggles my mind, but it was there dadgumit.

current mood: chipper
2 homeruns| batter up
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